Monday, July 30, 2007

learning to drive...again

I guess this is my time to be a student again...our recent purchase of a 5 speed Ford Focus has given reason for me to learn how to drive once more. I really thought I was done with the scaring feelings of being behind the wheel of a vehicle which could do more damage in a few wayward seconds that I could do in my whole life. I remember being scared to death as my dad taught me to drive when I was only 14 years old - I felt completely out of control when I was supposed to be the one in control! What is it about being out of control that I hate? Why does it scare me? Probably because I have no idea where I'm going or how I'm going to get there...but wasn't it Abraham who "when called...obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going"? Oh to be a woman who will go when called, even when I am completely out of control!

Saturday was the day all those emotions came racing back, when Heath drove to a deserted parking lot and switched places with me. It was hard to focus on all the directions he was giving me, especially after we started moving. My mind was overwhelmed just trying to keep my hands on the wheel, but he was giving me more things to do..."push the clutch put it into 2nd...ease up off the you hear that?...give it some more gas...keep the engine high like that...good...more gas, more gas!...clutch!!!"

With all these instructions, I could barely think, much less follow them as quickly as I needed to. After making it around the parking lot once and killing the engine a few times, my eyes started to well up and it was time to go. But overall, I'd say it was a good first lesson. We didn't get in a fight over it, nor do I hate the thought of trying again.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

midnight musings

Every night I am awoken several times by the nagging pain of nature's call. Additionally, somewhere between 5-7am, our kitty wakes me up with his piercing . I stagger upstairs with him perched in my arms somewhat precariously and give him a change of scenery in the bathroom. During these frequent nocturnal awakenings, I have started to wonder what it will be like to arise to a fussy or screaming baby who needs to be fed, changed, or just cuddled. Will I be immediately wide-awake, ready to fulfill my child's every need? Will I just stare in amazement at the precious child the Lord has given to us? Will I be reminded of the fragileness of life and our dependence on the Father by his or her tiny fingers and toes?

I guess you could say that my ideas of motherhood are still very idealistic. However unrealistic my thoughts may be, I'd like to believe that these "romantisized moments" are not so few and far between!

(I know that it's more likely that I'll be struggling to keep my eyes open and my thoughts coherent, just as I do now!)

Monday, July 23, 2007

the (almost) distastrous haircut

Saturday morning Heath & I decided to tackle the somewhat overwhelming job of learning to cut his hair. Well, I was the one doing the cutting, but he was in charge of explaining what I ought to do. Despite his years of experience with getting his hair cut and his immense knowledge on the subject, the time arrived when he no longer knew exactly what I should do. The sticking point was the blending of the different lengths; he wasn't quite sure what the next step should be, and I had absolutely no idea. We were at a standstill...

...and enter one very emotional pregnant woman! The tears started flowing as my frustration grew with my lack of knowledge on the subject and a job half completed. Despite the seemingly impossible situation, everything ended up just fine, his hair looks pretty good (it'll be even better next time, I'm sure!), and we both learned a couple of things. Heath realized just how sensitive I am right now and how easily I'll cry! And in the midst of my obsessive perfectionism, I understood that learning something new rarely happens without failure. Experience is one of my greatest teachers!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

introducing: bashful, the tabby cat

Heath & I share our one bedroom apartment in north Dallas with a very sociable orange and white tabby cat. Though he was born on a farm, my family's adoption of him for my 16th birthday led to the loss of both his claws and his freedom to chase the birds outdoors. Needless to say, his energy did not just disappear with his claws; we are the glad recipients of the amusement he provides.

It's a morning ritual that I give him a good brushing as soon as I go upstairs. He has learned this so thoroughly (who said that cats have a pea-sized brain?) that he whines for as long as I wait to brush him. It doesn't fail to amuse me to see him leap over to the brush in my hand to show me where he likes to be brushed. He rubs his face and whiskers along the brush, almost so that I have to do very little work at all. Curiousity is his downfall, I am brushing his back, he noticies the basket only barely out of reach. He edges nearer and nearer, causing me to lean forward in order to continue his massage. Finally, I pull back and wait for him to realize that he must come back to me for further attention.

One morning this week, I was shocked at the parallels between me and my kitty and my relationship with Jesus. More often that I'd like to admit, I fall prey to distractions and wander just a little bit out of the care of the Father. Then, like my kitty, I wonder where He has gone or why I no longer sense His presence. The truth is that He hasn't changed one bit - only I have gone away from Him. All that is left to do is to retrace my steps until I am once again under His wings.

the work of an Artist

Creation amazes me. Everything about it - the colors, shapes, designs, patterns, not to mention the sheer creativity of it all! What amazes me most about the work of the Creator is how easy it was for Him to create flawless masterpeices.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted to be an artist. I tried drawing and ended up with sickly horses and oddly proportioned people. I searched every craft book I could find on the bookshelf at the end of the hall, finding intriguing patterns for dollhouses made out of cardboard boxes and pretty containers covered with buttons, fabric, and paint. Sewing struck my fancy for a few years and I took up crossstitching, an easy quilt, and latch hook rugs. To my surprise, I actually did pretty well with all of those. I was encouraged, and stepping out on a limb, I tried my hand at one stroke painting. After hours of practice and paint splatters on a few of my favorite articles of clothing, I reached a point where I was happy with the finished product. I have dabbled in photography, pottery, scrapbooking, decorating the house. Yet the more I try, the more amazed I am with all I see in the world around me. Such preciseness, creativity, loving care, and order. Surely the earth displays the glory of the Lord!

My deepest hope is that my life will reveal the majesty of my King the way the rest of the created world does.